When my family was still intact, and lived together more or less happily in a big light house [this last happened probably a good 3 years ago], my grandmother would come to visit from Moscow for three months every spring. This happened for about 8 years until two years ago.

My Grandma is quite self sufficient, and she got around on a bicycle on her own… and technically she studied English, so she could theoretically find her way around.. but we taught her a few phrases just to be sure that she’s ok. Phrases she learned:

“Mmm. Yummy!’
“Hello, My name is Valentina!’
“I live at seven-zero-nine la para ave. palo alto”

and, of course “Help me! I’m lost!”

We laughed about it at the time… but what a necessary phrase.

I repeat it now. Help me! I’m LOST!

No… really…. I am LOST and HYSTERICAL.

I’ll start with the definitions:

lost -adj.

1. no longer possessed or retained: lost friends.
2. no longer to be found: lost articles.
3. having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.: lost children.
4. not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor; wasted: a lost advantage.
5. being something that someone has failed to win: a lost prize.
6. ending in or attended with defeat: a lost battle.
7. destroyed or ruined: lost ships.
8. preoccupied; rapt: He seems lost in thought.
9. distracted; distraught; desperate; hopeless: the lost look of a man trapped and afraid.


1. an uncontrollable outburst of emotion or fear, often characterized by irrationality, laughter, weeping, etc.
2. Psychoanalysis. a psychoneurotic disorder characterized by violent emotional outbreaks, disturbances of sensory and motor functions, and various abnormal effects due to autosuggestion.

I do not know what to do.

For extra fun, let’s also add these two:


1. excessive excitement or enthusiasm; craze: The country has a mania for soccer.
2. Psychiatry. manic disorder.


1. a sudden overwhelming fear, with or without cause, that produces hysterical or irrational behavior, and that often spreads quickly through a group of persons or animals.
2. an instance, outbreak, or period of such fear.
3. Finance. a sudden widespread fear concerning financial affairs leading to credit contraction and widespread sale of securities at depressed prices in an effort to acquire cash.


So here I am. Sleepless. Growing permanently attached to my VAIO, and reading reading reading.

As far as I can see, this has not only done NO GOOD for me, but actually worked to increase the LOST/HYSTERIA/MANIC/PANIC that I’ve gotten myself into.

Curiously enough, I am not alone in this.



This is my desk at home. On it are: a lot of moleskins, a lot of writing/drawing/drafting utencils, an external hard drive, cheap usb speakers, a leather MENU folder I use insted of a mouse pad, a KinderPingui, a glass of milk… and a lot of other things.


This is my desk at WORK. It has a lot of things on it. You can only see HALF of it on the photo:



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