I have been home, quasi-sick for almost two weeks, really sick for the last few days. The flat is hot, but I’m freezing and suffocating. It’s zero outside, perfectly symmetrical to my sense of inner void.. total undefined nothingness.
The onset of spring is hard for me. I have to remember that I have to make it intact JUST past my birthday, and then everything will be alright.
As always, spring brings loneliness. Not the kind of solitude that arises from taking time away from others for space and thought, but the gnawing sense of utter alone-ness.